Do you ever just sit in your room and cry? Do you ever feel like nobody cares, nobody wants you? Do you ever just break down and simply want to leave everyone behind. To become someone different and unbreakable? Do you ever just imagine a life without friends, because friends let you down?
Theoretically if you have no one in your life, there's no one to let you down. No one to destroy you. No one to reject you.
Do you ever wish you lived in a big city, where you could from your old life, where no one could find you, where no one even noticed you? To live a life where no one knows you, to simply restart. Where you can be yourself, where you can change, whatever you want.

Every life...

Every life is beautiful. There is a lot of advocates for Right to Life and such saying things like that. While I am strongly against abortion, myself, I think that we also need to think about people a little older. Like teens. Teens that are trying to commit suicide.
I strongly believe that every life is beautiful. That includes both the unborn, and the born.
This is something that has been on my mind for several months, and recently brought back up, because the topic of suicide struck a little too close to home. There is a girl in my life that is struggling with a lot of things right now, and she recently confessed to her friends and family that she has attempted suicide in the past.
This particular girl is a few years older than me, and I have know her all my life. When I was little I really looked up to her. But in the last few years she became someone else. Someone she's not. Someone that I didn't want to be. And I'll admit, I judged her. I judged her friends, what she wore, and the path she was taking. But it didn't occur to me that maybe what she needed was a loving friend and most of all, God. And that is what every one needs.
Too often we judge people without knowing or caring about their story. We don't know what they've been through, and we judge them. They don't need judgement, they need God.
So what I'm trying to say is maybe we can spread the love of God, and the love for life, not only to the unborn, but to everyone. I'm not saying the babies aren't important, but if we only focus on their life while they are in the womb, they may be born, and grow up to be a teenager, and kill themselves before they can do what God meant them to do.
So I will leave you on this note: EVERY life is beautiful. And that includes you and me.

Apologies & Ramblings

   Sorry that I haven't posted in a long time. Not that I have much of a following... I've been really busy this summer, and life has been absolutely crazy. Think everything good and bad that's ever happened to you...times ten. Okay, maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration, but I've had a lot of stuff happen since the beginning of May or so. 

   A cousin had identical twin girls, and then on the same day, a great uncle had a stroke while in Nebraska for his sister-in-laws funeral *this sister-in-law is not a relative of mine* and then within two days of this, Uncle Ted's brother, Charlie, took a turn for the worse in his two year long battle with cancer. Four or five days after Uncle Ted's stroke, he passed away with his wife, and three sons with him. Around a week or so later, Charlie died. After going to both their funerals, one of which was downstate, life started to get back to normal.

   Until my grandma's house sold. She was looking at a few condos, and then somebody came up with the brilliant plan that she should build a house on our property. We have twenty acres, so it wouldn't really be a problem for her to build a house somewhere on the property. She thought about that for a while, then decided, no, she would rather be closer to town. A few weeks later, no, she would rather be on our property. And it went back and forth. A few weeks ago, she found the perfect condo. It is beautiful. It's in town, and it's a duplex. She bought it, and the last week or so has been spent helping her move. I have probably helped for 20+ hours already. In fact, just Tuesday, I unpacked four boxes of food into her pantry in less than two hours. I was working hard. 

   And now I have a bunch of chores to do around the house, because we spent two days at her condo and one at her old house working, so I couldn't get anything done around here.

   So bye for now.

A curious memory

I remember one year at VBS (Vacation Bible School) I think 2006 or 2007, one of the days' lesson included a strange little skit that has always stuck out to me. One of the helpers crawled in to the room begging for water. "Water, water!" he cried.
The teacher finally gave him a bottle of water, and he dumped it on his hair and started combing it with a comb from his pocket. The kids laughed, and then the rest of lesson was something about using the gifts God has given you PROPERLY.

Just food for thought...

Writers block

Writers block isn't real. It's just an excuse for not writing. In truth, I say I have writers block, but really, I don't. I don't WANT to write. But I also DO. I don't want to write because I don't want to lose everything again. I do want to write because I believe it is what I was meant to do. I think that's the reason that I have some of my wacky dreams. Because I was made to write. Those are just inspiration. Or a reason to keep on pressing on. The other day, I was really unhappy. I have days like that, days where I miss my grandma and my grandpa more than the world, days where I regret doing something, days when I just want to kick something HARD. I have lost so much, but yet, there's so much more I COULD have lost. Like my house. All my family. My LIFE. I could have died when I was born. And since I didn't, there must be something I need to do yet. I just need to put my all into life, accept that I WILL have days that I'm depressed, and keep on keeping on.